Birthday

"Yahweh your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17

So far I've always posted a blog because I have had beautiful, clear, flowing thoughts. Not this time. Today is my birthday. Isn't this supposed to be the most perfect day of the year where everything goes your way? Well, today has been pretty rough so far. I don't think little kids care about mommy's birthdays :(. I have been on the verge of tears. I have yelled. I have taken deep breaths to try and calm down. I have told myself that it's only 6 1/2 hours until I get reinforcements. . . sigh.

~Moses has been very ornry today, which is a nice way of saying he's being mean and making it his personal mission to make everyone cry, including me. He is such a beautiful, sweet little boy. But today he has been in time-out, sent to his room, spanked, and is still crying and fighting with everyone. Noah is always clingy. Judah is sick and is a very unhappy, clingy boy. He needed his asthma treatment and I had to go search for something to give it to him with and he laid on the living room floor crying while boys were fighting and crying and I'm frantically searching for the elusive object. . . I don't think Jonah feels very well. He has been sad and saying, "I really miss my mommy and daddy." and lying on the couch a lot. Moses had an accident and was walking around with wet underwear and pants hanging around his ankles just as I was putting pizza in the oven. And I needed to help two more little boys go to the bathroom. As I'm walking around trying to calm down Judah, Noah is following me around asking me to read him a book. And when I'm not holding Judah, Noah is pushing him down or he just falls down on his own. I have a headache.

~I was already giving myself permission to have whatever I wanted today, which included Marshmellow Matey's, Mt. Dew, ice cream, mint M&M's, yogurt covered raisins, my favorite tropical trail mix, pizza, and eating out for Mexican tonight. Now I need all that AND a nice, long nap! This afternoon we're going to watch a movie of MY choice. . .

I felt like sitting in the middle of the living room rocking back and forth and singing "Happy Birthday to me." I might have scared or just frustrated all the little boys.

~I really need Yahweh to sing over me and quiet me with His love. And I am trusting in that. That is what is going to get me through.

I am blessed. I often think that noone else could be as blessed as I am. That might sound funny after the complaining I just did, but I know it in my heart. I have a wonderful husband who has been my best friend for the past 12 birthdays. I have four adorable, smart, funny, sweet, loving, healthy children who are alive and with me. This morning Josiah gave me a HUGE hug and Hannah said, "I need to give you a thousand kisses and hugs." It doesn't get any better than that. Right now I think a nice quiet sit on the couch sounds wonderful. But before too long I'll be ready for my little ones. Josiah and Hannah are away on a field trip and I honestly miss them and can't wait 'til they get home and give me more hugs! I'm blessed to be my nephews' babysitter and have them be such an important part of our life. I have sisters who are also my best friends. I have the best "in-law" family anyone could hope for. I have cool brothers, one in Iraq that I miss so much! I have loving parents. I have a great community of friends. I know I repeat that a lot, but I need to be reminded so often of my blessings and all the love, especially on days like today, in the midst of the fighting and crying.

~And I also realize that I start out with a pretty selfish view of birthdays. This life really isn't all about me anyway. I am the daughter of a Humble Servant who calls me to be the same. It is He who gave me life in the first place. My loving Creator. My birthday just happens to be during Advent, as we think about Yahweh coming to be with us--Emmanuel, God with us. A humble, tiny baby stripped of all heavenly power--just to show HOW MUCH HE LOVES US! And my parents chose to give me life--they could have chosen a different option. I am thankful for my life. And my mom went through a pretty rough pregnancy and delivery to bring me into this world! I'm sure she had days like mine when I was on the other end. I know she sacrificed a lot over the years for me!

~I have had a lot of thoughts about a birthday blog--reminiscing about past birthdays; grateful to my parents for choosing to give me life and for persevering through all the agony and pain of life; thankful that my mom is one of my hero's for showing the strongest kind of love and not giving up on my dad; thankful to both of my parents for pointing me to Jesus with their beautiful faith; reflecting on who I've become and who I hope to be; sharing more of my testimony and the story of a gracious and compassionate God who is slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulness and all the ways I've seen that worked out in my life these past 32 years. . .

But right now as I eat a double chocolate klondike bar and listen to the beautiful silence of sleeping children, as the tree lights twinkle and the rain falls softly outside, I think I'll take a little nap and be thankful for the beautiful blessing of this life God's given me. And pray He'll give me the strength today and every day to be compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love and faithfulnes--just as He is.