PMS

I don't really blog anymore, I let my husband do that. But sometimes there are words in my head that just have to come out.
As my husband left from his lunch break today I said, "Pray for me today." He asked, "Why?" And I said, "I think I'm in PMS." He kissed the top of my head and gently said, "Can I tell you something? You ARE in PMS." In our 15 years together he is learning...
And by PMS I mean PRE (as in before) Menstrual Syndrome. I probably just lost any males that were reading, but that's okay. I don't even know how many women experience PMS like this... Some months come and go without much notice. And other months...
Well sometimes I wake up and there is literally a monster living in my brain. There is nothing going on in my life that would justify such depth of anger, frustration, sadness, or feeling like I am so utterly out of control of my emotions. I was fine last night and then WHAM like the flip of a light switch (called hormones) everything FEELS different. This is not an excuse. Because I am still responsible for the way I REACT. But I cannot control the way the normal everyday things make me FEEL. For instance, just because I feel like my brain is literally going to explode, does not mean I can scream at the children (who are irritating every nerve I have just by being children), unless of course screaming is called for. And just because I truly think I NEED to eat the entire bag of chocolate chips does not mean I should (so what if I did?!) And I probably should not imbibe on caffeinated beverages since I already feel like I have the shakes... but I'm going to anyway. Because along with PMS I have a bit of a food addiction in which I tell myself I "deserve" or "need" certain things. And I know that is all kinds of crazy and I may be a therapists nightmare... but at least I'm self aware and acknowledging it's the first step, right?
So this month is a doozy, and I can only hope it won't last all week (or two). But honestly I feel better just writing this... And now I'll go eat my popcorn, Mt. Dew, and chocolate chips. Because I NEED them!